


You've Never Loved Anyone

by blizzard_ice



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Implied past Jasper Jordan/Monty Green, M/M, Self-Hatred, Underage Drinking, monty loves miller, no happy ending, this is literally minty trash angst there is no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 03:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6035530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blizzard_ice/pseuds/blizzard_ice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You wouldn’t understand.” The words burned as they came up in a fit of rage. Monty, 2 yards away from the boy who had spoken, turned, his face fallen. “You’ve never loved anyone, Monty. Not like me and Maya."</p>
<p>Alternate ending to 3x04 starting when Monty and Jasper are at the drop ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Never Loved Anyone

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this is literally just angst and sadness for Monty. I usually do smut so when I don't it gets really fucking emotional. #protectmontygreen2k16

“You wouldn’t understand.” The words burned as they came up in a fit of rage. Monty, 2 yards away from the boy who had spoken, turned, his face fallen. “You’ve never loved anyone, Monty. Not like me and Maya.”

Monty could do nothing but gaze at the broken shell of a person he used to call his friend. His heart was passed breaking for Jasper. His heart was cold, it had been ever since they left Mount Weather. Jasper’s lips quivered and tears threatened the spill over his watering eyes. Monty should go to him, hold him, let him cry, but that wasn’t Jasper. Jasper had died that day as well.

“You don’t know anything about me, Jasper.” Monty choked out as he turned and made the slow, long walk back to Arkadia. The young man heard the beginnings of sobs behind him that slowly turned louder, to screaming. Monty would be sure to let Abby know where Jasper was, and to send someone to get him. Monty was done being that person. Being the person who had to clean up all of Jasper’s messes. Jasper was broken inside, but so was Monty.

The moon’s low light trickled through the treetops as Monty walked through the woods to camp. The words circled his head even now.  _ ‘You’ve never loved anyone’ _ Monty spat at the ground, disgusted at both Jasper and himself. Monty had loved. Monty had loved and lost. More times than Jasper knew. Months ago, Monty would be falling asleep, racking his brain as to how Octavia could capture Jasper’s attention, but he couldn’t. Weeks ago, Monty would be in his bunk at Mount Weather, listening to the slow breaths of Miller, wondering how anyone could ever love Monty. He was damaged goods. Everyone down here was. 

It was late in the night when Monty made it back to camp. The guards were startled and gave him a once over before ushering him back in the gates before causing a scene. The walk back to his bunk was quick, but he couldn’t bear the sight that was in front of him once he arrived at the group quarters. Monty’s bed was perfectly made, pillow sat up at the top of the bed. Jasper’s was a mess, sheets pulled back and empty bottles scattered underneath the frame. Miller’s bed was what made Monty’s heart drop. Bryan was there with him, sleeping soundly. Monty tried not to pay attention to how Bryan’s arms fit nearly perfect around Miller’s chest, how the two seemed to be puzzle pieces that fit together. Monty got into his bed and laid on his side with his back to the sleeping couple. 

_ ‘You’ve never loved anyone, Monty.’ _ Monty closed his eyes, willing for sleep to come and take him.

\------

Jasper came back, he always did. He spent a day in medical getting his stomach pumped and getting told for the 15th time to stop over drinking alone. Jasper didn’t listen, he never did. Monty went about his day as he normally would. He reported to work in engineering besides some of the people he had trained underneath on the Ark. They worked mostly on problems day to day. How do we irrigate water to all the crops? How can we repair the gate’s wall again? How will we keep food fresh for longer? It was trivial tasks for Monty, nothing like he used to do. There was no wires or machinery. He didn’t care, though. As long as he was working, he felt like he was doing something good for his people.

Miller sat on a table, his legs dangling off, eating an apple rather loudly while Monty fiddled with a set of walkie talkies and trying to make the connection stronger. “If you keep working without a break, we’re gonna have to find another Monty Green.” Miller said as he looked upon Monty’s increasing frustration. Monty looked up to meet Miller’s smiling face. “And something tells me there’s no one that can be up to par with you.”

Monty’s heart dropped. In Mount Weather, his heart would have fluttered, soaking in the praise from Miller, but with Bryan around, every smile from Miller dug a hole of guilt in Monty’s chest. 

“If I take a break, it could mean life or death,” Monty explained as he resumed on the work at hand.

Miller was quiet for a bit before speaking back up, “I heard they found Jasper passed out by the dropship, they said he had Finn’s-”

“Don’t you have work to do?” Monty didn’t mean to yell. Miller’s eyebrows creased together as he hopped off the table to approach Monty. “I know growing up on Alpha Station with the Chief Guard as a dad came with its perks but down here everyone works.”

“I know you’re upset about Jasper, Monty.” Miller put a hand on Monty’s shoulder and the smaller boy flinched. This only proved to deepen the scowl on Miller’s face. “But you don’t have to take it out on your real friends. People that actually care about you.”

Monty chuckled, quiet enough for Miller to not hear. Miller did care about Monty. So did Harper and Monroe, Bellamy and Octavia, and Monty cared about them too. But Monty cared  _ for _ Miller. 

“I’m sure your boyfriend is probably wondering where you are.” Monty spat out. He knew the second the words escaped his lips it was a mistake. This was the first time they had talked about. The first time since Bryan and all of the remaining Farm Station survivors came to Arkadia. The first time since Bryan grabbed Miller, kissing him as deep as someone would if they thought the other was dead. Miller and Monty didn’t talk about it. They didn’t have a reason to.

Monty turned away from Miller, back to his desk with tools scattered across it. “I don’t know what kind of messed up shit you’re dealing with, okay? But I’m serious. You’re becoming more and more like Jasper every day.” 

Monty heard his footsteps get quieter and quieter until they weren’t heard at all, he was gone. He slumped into his chair, arms on the desk and his head in his hands. Monty hasn’t cried since Mount Weather when he was locked in a cage and began recounting his life from start to end. But here, now, in the safety of camp, he felt more alone and helpless than ever before. Tears slipped between his fingers as he took a deep breath, gaining whatever dignity he had left to finish the work he was assigned. He needed something to take his mind off Miller. Off of Jasper. Off of Mount Weather. Off of everyone he killed. Off of everything.

It took Monty two more hours to repair the walkie talkies; they could now work on a range of 10 miles instead of 5. He was discharged for the day soon after finishing his paperwork for the time clocked in. On any other day, he would find Miller, and just hang out with him. He couldn’t. Not now. He briefly thought about finding Harper, seeing how she was doing in her training for combat. But somehow, through his clogged thoughts and tear filled vision, his feet led him to the place he had despised the most. 

Behind the crashed Ark station, in between the walls and the gate, there was a small hole under an overlooking hill. It was discreet enough to hide something there if you didn’t want it to be found. Monty had found it the first night Jasper had drunk himself into a coma. It was Jasper’s stash. With tears burning his cheeks and terrible thoughts banging at his head, he took one of the bottles and swallowed half the contents. It burned his throat in a familiar kind of way. Night was falling soon and Monty sat against the station walls, sipping down the rest of the contents of the bottle. Maybe he was like Jasper. He didn’t want to be like him. A wreck, a human disaster, destroying everyone who came near him. But here he was, acting the exact same way Monty hates. They weren’t that different.

\------

When he was shaken awake it was near dawn. Monty gave an involuntary shiver as the early spring morning greeted his conscious body. He didn’t realize a blanket was being drapped around him until he was pulled onto his feet, eye to eye with the last person he wanted to see right now.

“What the hell are you doing, Monty?” Miller’s voice was stern but held back sincerity and concern for his friend.

Monty’s brain was still pounding from the bottle he finished, wait, make that three bottles, as Monty looked down at the empty bottles surrounding his lying spot. “I didn’t have a great day.” Monty choked out, finding it harder than normal to get the words out of his mouth.

Miller grabbed both of his arms, “So that means you can drink yourself to death? I mean, what were you trying to do?” Monty cast his eyes downward, not meeting the taller boy’s. 

“I didn’t want to think,” Monty swallowed his tears. Miller wrapped him in a hug, providing warmth to the smaller boy as well as it being a way to tell Monty that he cared about him without speaking. Monty couldn’t help himself as he melted into the touch. It was taboo for him. Something he couldn’t have, yet being dangled right in front of him. Monty finally pushed off to see a confused Miller.

“I can’t do this, Nate.” Miller’s eyebrows rose as he opened his mouth to ask a question. “You have a boyfriend, and I have a petty crush, and the more time you spend around me the more I can feel myself dying a little bit inside.” Monty exhaled, his body spitting out the words that had been circling his head for weeks now.

“This is why you’ve been upset?” Miller asked cautiously. Monty still wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“I mean, you were so nice. Soft and friendly around me when everyone else saw you as a strong, firm leader. Why were you that way, Miller?” Monty looked up at Miller for the first time, tears welling up in his eyes. Alcohol burning through his protective layers. “Why were you so different around me, if not that you-” Monty trailed off, cutting off a sob so the air between them was a deafening silence.

Miller fidgeted slowly on his feet when he tried to reach out to Monty, who simply pulled away. “Monty,” Miller began.

“I get it.” Monty spat. “I’ve seen it happen before. You think the love of your life has died, you’re never gonna see them again. But lucky, you,” Monty’s eyes showed a hatred Miller had never seen from him before, “because you found some fresh meat to play with. Only, the love that you thought you would never see again? They come back.” Miller’s eyes were pleading, asking Monty to stop raising his voice. He looked so small despite his near 4 inch advantage on the boy. “The last time this happened,” Monty choked off another sob, “Finn died.”

Monty slowly crumpled to a heap on the ground, draping the large blanket over him as a shield to both the cold wind and to the boy now looming above him. “I’m sorry.”

Monty didn’t react. He just stared forward. He heard it again, louder this time. Monty didn’t look, though, willing himself to stare forward, tracing the mountain line with his eyes over and over again. The phrase got louder before he heard the voice crack. He might have felt a hand on his shoulder, but his full attention was in front of him. 

He was alone now. Physically. And emotionally. Miller was right, he was just like Jasper. And he was going to take down everyone who cared for him. His blanket was getting wet from the tears falling off his face. Briefly, Monty thought he understood what Jasper had been feeling, but he pushed that aside. Having someone who love die? That was nothing to seeing someone you love, happy with someone else. 


End file.
